I am there in LinkedIn for a decade. Once in a while I write articles or put some posts just to be little active here. I am aware of many leading influencers in this platform who are always in the limelight. I do follow some of them. I simply watch them from a distance and lap up useful content they churn out. Beyond that I don’t have any personal interest in their lives and am not curious to know how much money they make with all the fame they enjoy in this platform. I never aspire to be a major influencer like them.
Recently I have come across a piece of information that says one of those influencers was working in the same organization I used to work many years ago. May be he was a little junior or little senior to me. May be he worked in a different geographical location. But this piece of information, that he was working in the same organization where I worked was sufficient to trigger something in me – Comparison.
Next day this gentleman posts something and it attracts many likes and comments in no time. I simply could not believe. When my posts get feeble likes, how come this gentleman’s posts get such a huge traction? I keep following this post continuously that day. Every half an hour, I see significant jump in the likes and comments to that post. I get frustrated and get tired of following that post. Nevertheless, I continued to follow the post the whole day. When I was about to retire for the day, a thought comes to my mind…why am I following this post crazily and why am I feeling bad internally?
I realize that I have fallen in to the Comparison Trap. Till the previous day, the gentleman we are discussing was just an online identity, no personal connection and no need for comparison at all. The mere fact that we worked in the same oganisation was sufficient to push my brain into the mode of comparison and I was caught in that thought process for the whole day.
I have to admit this openly. I was completely taken over by jealousy. If someone has watched me that day, they would have seen me glowing with green (the colour of envy).
Social Comparison Theory by psychologist Leon Festinger says that individuals cannot define themselves independently. They can do so only in comparison with others. This comparison helps determine an individual’s social and personal status in relation to others. So comparison looks like an innate, natural and an automatic process for all human beings. We all compare ourselves with others – classmates, college mates, coworkers, neighbors, etc. The grounds may vary – the marks, appearance, skin colour, house, car, income levels, social status, promotion, skills, feeling superior, inferior, etc.
As long the comparison is mild and does not consume too much energy, time, peace of mind and focus, we can discount it as natural and hide behind the social comparison theory. But being trapped in it for a full day… I simply could not accept it.
The next day I embarked on an attempt to figure out what happened the previous day. I started penning down my thoughts, feelings of anxiety, jealousy, automatic conversations that were happening inside my mind. On reviewing the notes, I realized that something deep inside me hijacked my actual self and was independently running my life that day. I was its slave. I was powerless.
Now a whole new set of thoughts and perspectives started to emerge from my mind: They are like -
- His life is different from mine
- We have different ways of doing things
- We have different measures of success
- Our paths are different
- He gets what he deserves and I get what I deserve
- Focus on what you can control
- Comparison kills
Now, I understand the phoniness of the thoughts that hijacked me the previous day. With the new thoughts and perspectives, I can wash out all the green in me and can become pure. I can focus on my life without getting caught in the comparison trap.