This is my second article on the topic Conversations for Profound Connections. In this article, we will discuss the power of a long pending apology.
Meera and Anjali were once inseparable, but a misunderstanding turned into a bitter fallout. Meera betrayed Anjali’s trust, and instead of owning up, she walked away. Years later, they cross paths at a bookstore. Meera knows this might be her only chance to make things right.
Meera hesitates as she spots Anjali flipping through a book. She takes a deep breath and steps forward.
Meera: Anjali… Hi
Anjali looks up, her expression unreadable. A long silence stretches between them.
Anjali: Hi….is it Meera, my past friend?
Meera swallows hard, her voice softer now as she tries to initiate the conversation.
Meera: I know I am the last person you may want to see. But please hear me out.
Anjali folds her arms, raising an eyebrow and turns her body slightly away from Meera.
Anjali: Hear you out? Meera, you walked away when I needed your friendship the most. And now, after all these years, you just show up and talk to me casually.
A bit ashamed, Meera looks down, then meets Anjali’s eyes with sincerity.
Meera: I was a coward, Anjali. I should have fought for our friendship. I should have stood by you at that time. But instead, I ran away. And I have regretted it every single day since.
Anjali exhales sharply, shaking her head.
Anjali: Do you expect a few words of regret can wipe away my hurt and feelings? Do you expect me to behave gently and act as if everything is fine?
Meera’s voice cracks slightly, raw with emotions.
Meera: I don’t expect that. I just… I wanted you to know the truth. I was scared of facing what I had done. I was scared of seeing how much I had hurt you. I was scared of facing you. I am so, so sorry for whatever I did to you.
Anjali looks at Meera, the anger in her eyes slowly fading into something more complicated – digesting the past pain, longing for friendship, maybe even relief.
Anjali: You broke something in me, Meera. And I don’t know if it can be fixed.
Meera nods, a tear slipping down her cheek.
Meera: I understand. But if there’s even a small chance, if there’s even a tiny space for me in your life again, I will do whatever it takes to earn it back.
Anjali’s eyes are fixated on Meera for a long moment, then she sighs, blinking away her own tears.
Anjali: I don’t know if I am ready to forgive. But I think… I’m ready to talk.
Meera smiles through her tears, nodding.
Meera: That’s more than I deserve. Thank you Anjali.
As they step out of the bookstore together, the past still lingers, but for the first time in years, there is hope.
A long-overdue apology like the one Meera made, has the power to mend relationships that seem permanently broken. Even when the damage appears irreparable, a genuine, heartfelt apology can bring closure, restore lost trust, and sometimes even rebuild a fractured connection. Science and history both validate this truth.
How an apology can alter things?
Research by Dr. John Gottman (a leading relationship expert) found that repair attempts—even small, sincere gestures—are crucial in maintaining long-term relationships.
When two people have unresolved conflict, both experience cognitive dissonance—the mental discomfort caused by conflicting thoughts (e.g. “I totally trusted her. But will a genuine friend hurt like this?”).
A genuine apology allows the injured party to reconcile with these conflicting emotions, making forgiveness psychologically easier.
The Zeigarnik Effect states that unresolved issues remain in our memory far longer and create mental loops. These loops replay painful memories in our minds constantly and an individual suffers because of them. When an apology is offered, the mental loops disintegrate and the victim’s suffering, anger and resentments vanish and their internal empathy starts unfolding.
Image created with Napkin AI
A long-pending apology doesn’t erase the past, but it reframes it—turning pain into understanding and resentment into possibility. Even relationships that seem shattered beyond repair can find a new beginning through vulnerability, acknowledgment, and emotional courage.
Examples of reframing of the past through an apology:
- Public acceptance of wrongdoing by F. W. de Klerk to Nelson Mandela and Mandela forgiving him, scripting a new future for South Africa.
- Pope John Paul II visiting his assassin in prison and forgiving him.
- The reconciliation between Elton John and Princess Diana before her tragic death.
- Steve Jobs and Bill Gates burying business rivalry and eulogizing each other.
- Apology of the then Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi and later Manmohan Singh to the Sikh community to heal their wounds.
- Mahatma Gandhi’s acceptance of ideological conflict with Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose and his reconciliation with Bose’s family, praising him as a patriot.
- Even Gods have demonstrated the power of an apology—Lord Krishna later expressed his regret for humiliating Rukmi (Rukmini’s brother) to mend the relationship.
Share your views and thoughts on offering an apology to people in our lives.