Started this month with a grand plan that this month is going to be one of my finest months in terms of happiness. On the first of August, I have completely made up my mind to choose happiness above all else during this month. I was willing to delay, delete and deflect things that may not provide me with intrinsically happy feelings or experiences.
Today (15th August) as I started my mid-month review, I realise that I completely miss that big picture that I vowed to create for myself – choosing happiness above all else. Oops. This is not the first time I miss the big picture and get caught in the routine and trivia of life. This has happened very many times earlier too.
As I ponder over why I keep missing big pictures, I find solace in my self-serving thoughts.
1. Big picture thinking is simply conceptual: May be someone started writing about it. Maybe it appealed to some people. Maybe I am also sold on the idea. I have come across stories on how successful people and entrepreneurs always kept the big picture in mind even when they were caught in the rough and tumble of life. But I have not come across hard data that supports big picture thinking. Maybe it is simply conceptual.
2. Big picture thinking is plain foolish. It does not consider life in its true dynamism, a perpetual flow of events that you experience. When you are a part of ever happening perpetual experience called life, how can you avoid experiencing that flow? How can you detach yourself from that flow and keep looking at the broader picture? Do you care to look at the wholeness of the river when you are tossed and dragged by the waves and are struggling for survival?
3. Big picture thinking is beyond my capability: When I walk into a forest, I can only see, touch and experience few trees. Maybe I can see 100 trees with my naked eyes at a time, but I can experience only a tree or two at any time. When someone says, ‘don’t experience a tree, don’t even look at those 100 trees, look at the whole forest’. It just goes beyond my capability. I really cannot fathom where the forest is.
4. Big picture thinking ignores the power of Routine: I am happily attached to my daily routine. I have carefully applied my mind to create and automate my routines. I get up, breathe and live to carry out these routines. Where is the need and scope for a big picture when everything is already set in order? If at all there is need and scope, let it emerge little later. I am busy with my routines as of now.
These self-serving thoughts greatly help in removing the guilt in me - of not seeing the big picture during this month. They also give me a small dose of happiness for which I am deeply indebted to them.
(Warning: These self-serving thoughts keep me in the same place wherever I am. They do not allow me progress in some areas. They are random. They are erratic. They may lack substance. But they play with my life. I am a victim of these thoughts. They don’t serve me at all. They are my real masters)