Every Mask We Wear Leaves a Scar
We often find ourselves hiding behind facades, pretending to be someone we’re not—sometimes to impress, sometimes to protect ourselves. A recent experience during a Google Meet session reminded me of this universal tendency and left me reflecting deeply on my own moments of pretension.
I log into Google Meet at 4:00 PM sharp, ready to begin a session. Week after week, I’ve been conducting these sessions with 50+ team members of a capital equipment manufacturing company on a structured learning journey.
As usual, I was about to check attendance when suddenly a melodious voice interrupted and took over, welcoming everyone and explaining the day’s purpose. A cheerful woman appeared on video, managing the pre-session ritual with ease. I felt surprised but also relieved that someone else was handling this routine task.
Throughout the two-hour session, she was fully present—managing participants, reading responses, making announcements, and maintaining a warm and professional demeanor.
After the session, I couldn’t help but think—why this sudden involvement? My assumption: she was being observed by senior leaders (CHRO, Directors), hence the extra effort.
I’ve known this woman for six months. Despite her impressive background—top B-school graduate, international certifications, 20+ years of experience—her involvement so far had been minimal. She mostly handled small tasks like creating meeting links or distributing gift vouchers. When I once asked her to help engage disinterested participants, she politely refused.
Why Do People Pretend?
The Google Meet incident led me to introspect. A quick look into psychological literature reveals common reasons for pretension:
- To appear sincere or responsible
- To gain social acceptance
- To avoid consequences or judgment
- To manipulate or impress others
- To hide inefficiencies or mistakes
- To appear professional
Do I Pretend?
The honest answer is yes. I’ve worn masks to hide vulnerabilities, avoid judgment, or simply to be accepted. These pretensions often leave emotional scars—unpleasant feelings that linger long after the situation has passed.
“The scars don’t go away. They’ve become a part of me.”
What Psychology Says
According to Charles Cooley’s Looking Glass Self theory:
- We imagine how we appear to others
- We imagine their judgment of us
- We develop feelings based on those judgments
Erving Goffman’s Impression Management theory adds:
“People consciously or unconsciously regulate their behavior to create favorable impressions on others.”
These theories confirm that pretention is a universal human behavior.
Understanding Without Judgment
When I reflect on the woman’s behavior through the lens of my own past pretensions, I don’t feel anger or judgment. I understand. Perhaps she too has her scars. And that’s okay.
Authenticity is ideal—but not always possible. Sometimes, masks help us navigate social landscapes. Let’s not glorify or condemn them—just accept them as part of being human.
Final Reflection
What masks do you wear?
Do they serve you—or leave behind scars?